So You Think You Might Like To Own a Devon?
Joshua Gunn
SO, YOU THINK YOU MIGHT LIKE TO OWN A DEVON
(Well, I did too, and now that I've got one, I want a couple more). Some
people in this world find pleasure in "showing" their cats at
professional conventions, which simply baffles me. It is not the showing
itself that baffles me--anyone who has ever squealed in joy for having
won a beauty contest knows how pleasurable looking pretty can be. I've
not won a beauty contest, personally. But one of my cousins did.
Anyhow, my point is that if someone is showing cats, then it is likely
they are also giving them baths.
My heart goes out to these masochists.
If you're looking for a Devon, you're probably licking a few wounds
yourself. Believe me, I know what a tough crowd cat breeders can be.
Heck, if you really wanna make some friends and extend the overture of
getting your new cat, keep telling breeders you would like a "cheap" cat.
That really sends 'em crazy. Why, you ask? Well, there's this
philosophy that "love has no price," which some folks buy into (pun
intended). Then there's this other philosophy that says, "If I'm going
to pay $3000 just in vet bills, my cats should be $700 for a pet, and
$1000 for a show cat." Usually Devon breeders set the price such that:
"If the pet buyer can afford this, then they can afford potential pet
bills." Well, that's the gist of it, I think. In short, most breeders
are not into Devons for the money. Nope. They love perms and cat
breath, and they speak the language known as "devonspeak":
"Awwwww--Wookatdatface--wookatdatwittleObiface." In English, this phrase
amounts to: "Oh, look at that face, look at that little Obi face." My
current boy's name is Obi. And he's got an adorable little face. He
always talks back when I comment on his beautiful little face. He says
"Meow." In French, he says "Mew." And in Latin, he says "Meowmus." In
Southern Drawl, a language both of us are fluent in now, it's "meeyawl."
The Paragraph With The Thesis
But I digress. Yes, breeders are a strange one themselves. I'm allowed
to make this judgment because I'm neither a breeder--not even a shower,
for that matter. I'm just a guy whose life revolves around his
girlfriend, his electronic equipment, a few dead Greeks (Aristotle, et
al.) and a dead American named Kenneth Burke, and his cats, Obi the
Devon, and Psappho the Sphynx. And, I used to have a Devon boy named
Vico, who is, alas, no longer with us. But the story of my adopting Vico
is the most fun, so I'll tell you about it. I'll also tell you about the
"BYB monster." I'll also tell you about my favorite food if you hang on
long enough.
The Quest For a Devon Begins (Or, How I Learned To Annoy Breeders)
I started looking for a cat in August of 1997, after having moved to a
new city and being forced to live alone for the first time since I left
home. I was--and am--allergic to all kinds of critters, especially
humans who listen to Lynard Skynard. But I wanted some company, and
loved cats, and knew there was a "hypoallergenic" cat out there. I began
my search online.
I originally discovered the Sphynx, and although they were not as
beautiful as I was, I decided I wanted one. Unfortunately, I made a huge
mistake on my hunt for a companion: I tried to have a sense of humor. I
don't want to draw too many discursive battlelines, but if you spend
enough time in the fancy, you'll discover the breeders of some breeds are
more afraid of the creature known as the "BYB" than others. The "BYB" is
the creature who, while human, has a horrible mental defect: It thinks
that one can make money by breeding and selling cats (ergo, "Back Yard
Breeder"). Evidently, BYBs have a few codes that they transmit to
breeders, and by luck or fate, I used them. It all started when I wrote
in an email to a sphynx breeder that "I'm a poor graduate student," and
that I'm "looking for a deal." Breeders read this as "I'm a complete
idiot and think I might try to breed these expensive cats to make some
money." Nothing could be further from the truth, of course (as if I'd
put up with cats marking thinks in my apartment. Yeah. And I can barely
stand the smell of cleaning the litter box). Anyhow, so I discovered
that there was this newsgroup/listserv thing to which one of my inquiries
was posted by this breeder, in effect, blackballing me as a potential BYB
monster. So, the moral of the story is that you should be prepared for a
little skepticism. And, in a not-so-related way, canned cheese is a bad
thing.
There are lots of horror stories among the breeding community that
justifies being skeptical of potential pet owners, so be aware of it.
It's not uncommon to be asked about your lifestyle or your eating habits,
so get ready. Getting a Devon means getting personal (or purrsonal, if
you prefer) with the breeder. There' s no way to get away from that.
And if your breeder seems uninterested in your personal life, then you
may want another breeder. S/he should at least ask if you have other
pets . . . (if s/he doesn't, please do find another more inquisitive
breeder).
Well, anyhow, this unfortunate incident led me on the trail to Devons,
another "hypoallergenic" breed (I'm gonna talk about what this term means
in a moment, so be on your toes). Online I discovered a few fun breeders
who actually had a sense of humor! (incidentally, most Devon breeders do,
except for one I met from Europe who insisted that macaroni was from
Northern Spain, not Italy as I had originally thought). One of those
breeders was Terri Jorgensen, a breeder and former rock star and
commercial jingle singer from Texas, now stationed in Kansas. She liked
me, I liked her, and after a couple of talks on the phone, we decided
adoption was in order. There were some other breeders that I also
enjoyed -- oh, goodness. That sounds horrible; what I mean is that I met
other breeders whose personalities I appreciated , but only Terri
admitted she was a fan of Annie Lennox. She said she had a fellah just
for me, and that his name was "Ira."
Eventually I mailed my deposit and prepared for "Ira's" arrival. The
first order of business was to come up with a really long, pretentious
cat name (go to a cat show--you'll see!). Here's what I came up with:
"Giambattista Alasdair 'Ira' Vico." I also read as much as I could about
Devons. Here's what I found out (read below):
History Of The Devon
You may have found a picture of a Devon and thought, "she looks like a
Chihuahua" (you cuiero taco bell?)! But hey! They're really cats, and
the bonus is they don't typically pee on the carpet! And as far as I
know, the breed has never suffered the pawing of some horribly confused
canine. If, in the past, the species ever mixed, a poodle would most
likely be the culprit. Only poodles are stupid enough to mistake a cat
for a dog. I know: When I was little we had a poodle named "Tootsie" (and
named so way before the Hoffman flick came to the silver screen, thank
you). Tootsie was actually a "doodle" (a cross between a Datsun and a
poodle). She was a dumb-ass dog. She got bedded by a German Sheppard (or
was it a Cocker Spaniel? I don't remember), and had to undergo some
serious knives to correct what would be a very problematic labor (I
remember crying when I discovered Tootsie in the back yard, butt-to-butt
with a whelping Sheppard with his legs spread-eagle like. My pop ran out
with the hose and began squirting both of them to put an end to the
forbidden union). Wait a minute--maybe I misspoke. Tootsie was the
victim. Ok, lets say that if the species mixed, the German Sheppard would
the dumb-ass dog to blame it on. Well, dogs are stupid. (Alas, though
sure to irk a number of cat lovers, cats are even dumber. That's what
"cute" really means when applied to critters). Not that God intended
dogs to make love with cats. But, it is his eventual plan. St. John tells
us in his revelations that when Jesus comes again, dogs will "lie" with
cats, and lions with sheep. When I was in fifth grade my
Sunday School teacher told me "lie" meant "rest along-side." But I know
that those disciples had dirty minds. They wrote about "whores" and
"harlots" all the time. I mean, c'mon! Who do those Sunday school
teachers think we are? North Dakotans? Or worse, Mississippians?
But then, looking at a Devon, you may wonder whether there is not some
dog in 'em. I'm convinced Devons are really dogs that somehow got
trapped inside a cat's body during the doggie transmigration of souls
(you know, reincarnation mishaps). Vico even fetched! My current Devon,
Obi, also fetches and wags his tail when he's happy. As I write this
he's letting my other cat clean him (just like a dog--to lazy to clean
himself!). Heck, one of my best friends here in Minneapolis, Angela
Ray, says that she hates cats but loves my Obi because he "acts like a
dog."
Well, he's not a dog, thank you. He's really a secret agent from the
Planet Cuteness (oy! I can pour it on . . . ).
The first Devonshire Rexes appeared in Buckfastleigh, Devonshire, England,
in 1960. This lady mysteriously referred to in fancier literature as
"Miss Cox" lived near a tin mine. There was this mangy, curly haired tom
cat milling around all the time that obviously lived in the deserted
mine. Anyhow, true to the cultural myth that homeless men are looking for
love in all the wrong places, another stray tortoiseshell (that's a
color, I think) dame (Queen Elizabeth knighted her) gave birth near her
Miss Cox's home (and she figured the sire was the tom cat), and lo and
behold, one of the kittens had some curly-hair. Like a poodle! She kept
this one kitten (no one mentions what became of the rest of the
litter--but, you can figure it out).
In a stroke of pure genius, Miss Cox named this cat "Kirlee." The
strange wavy coat had appeared in cats elsewhere, however. There was
evidently another dude who was called Brian Stirling-Webb who also had
some curly haired cats as a result of some unrelated genetic blunder.
Stirling-Webb, however, was busy breeding his curly cats for profit and
prestige among the fancier community (his cats, evidently, became a small
"rage" in the snooty cat community in England), which he called Cornish
Rexes. Of course, this mutation occurred on a farm in Cornwall England
around 1950. The "rex" referred to the rex rabbit, a critter known for
its odd, curly whiskers (and some say, the odd spiral-shaped dung). The
Cornish got the "Rex" because of the similarity--although we should
mention that the Cornish Rex's whiskers are so curly they usually
break-off, unlike those of the rex rabbit.
Anyhow, as the story goes, Mr. Stirling-Webb wanted to increase the gene
pool of the breed, heard of Miss Cox's now famous poodle-cat, and urged a
cross-breed (or, as fanciers call it, an "out-breed"). An out-breed is
usually done for genetic diversity, cause we must remember that most pure
breads are inbred, meaning they're not much unlike the bluebloods of the
British. What is it with these people? Remember the royal hemophilia
problem? I mean, even my parents know that when cousins and sisters and
brothers marry the kids come out retarded (we may be from the South, but
we're from Georgia, not Mississippi).
So Stirling-Webb puts Kirlee in a fur-lined room with some of his Cornish
(Barry White was not big yet, but we're reasonably sure Marvin Gaye was
played in the background). To Stirling-Webb's chagrin, many matings only
produced straight-haired cats. This led fanciers to the conclusion that
the Kirlee was of a different genetic mutation (and he was, since the
curly coat genes are recessives), so the breeds were not bred together
again, and we got da Devonshire Rex.
The rest of the breed history is rather boring, so we'll stop here.
Suffice it to say that the Cornish, the Sphinx, and the Devon are
tenuously related (although from different genetic mutations). Many
"out-breeds" produced the Devons of today, which are rather different
than Kirlee, as well as the Cornish and the Sphinx. The Sphinx have
little hair to speak of (that's the cat in the Austin Powers movie that
looks like a rat). Cornish have rows of hair. Devons don't have rows
(well, sometimes they do). Think of it this way: Cornish have "waves,"
you know, like cowlicks; Devon's have a perm. And their personalities are
different too. Cornish are busy all the freaking time, like elves, always
having to do something. I almost got a Cornish, until I played with one
at a cat show and got annoyed with how "busy" they are (Cornish are like
cats on crank, in my humble opinion). Devons are busy too, but they'll
sit in your lap (something that Cornish typically won't do unless there's
an incentive--like a toy).
People like these cats because they have little "guard hair," which is
the longer cat hair that sheds on shit. The theory is that people with
allergies can tolerate rexes. That's not to say they are free of
allergens! All cats have little proteins in their oils that makes
allergic folks go nuts. It's simply that, for some reason, Devons make
less of this oil (don't let the short hair length fool ya). Nothing is
non-allergenic. I should know--I've got 63 environmentally related
allergies. Even those nasty, plastic bed-mite covers one can put on
your mattress. They smell like beach balls, and people can be
allergic to that too. You know, that plastic smell. I had a cover on my
bed
when I was little. Not so much for allergies as for the uncontrollable
bladder. I still should use one of those things from time to time.
Especially when I've been playing some serious drinking games.
Actually, according to Webster, you could call Rexes hypoallergenic: "not
likely to cause an allergic reaction." That doesn't mean these guys
aren't allergen free--they are not. Hypo (less) and Hyper (more) gives
you a inkling. I think Persians are Hyperallergenic. Definitely. And for
me, big dogs, like Labs. And English Peas. Yuck.
Back To Vico The Devon
Well, so, as I was saying before that long historical detour, I
eventually mailed my deposit to make sure I got Vico. My landlord,
someone who needs a few lessons in "Creating Tenant Loyalty," made me pay
out the nose and other orifices to keep the cat, but the sacrifice was
worth it. On January 9th, 1998, Ms Anna White and I went to the airport
to pick up little Vico, mailed from Kansas with love (and a few kitty
toys). After two days, Vico was the "head of household" (If I wanted to
play really cheesy, I would finish with "and my heart too," but I do have
a sugar limit myself).
Now, Obi the Devon is the head of the bedroom (Psappho takes care of the
rest of the apartment). I mean that in a clean sense (that he's the one
that decides who sleeps where).
But I ramble.
Oh, and my favorite food is the Alamo Nachos from Green Mill, a local
restaurant chain.
The author would like to note that portions of this essay
were modified versions of information found in his book, _The Art of Vico
Maintenance_, available for a nominal fee or a cat toy. Email him at
gunn0025@tc.umn.edu. He is also not very serious about this.
Joshua Gunn
For some reason, Joshua doesn't have a Devons @ Home Profile (What are we gonna do with you, Joshua?), but he
informs us that we can find pictures of Vico and
Obi on his web site.
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